Happy Anniversary Qbert!

 Well, here we are at our 29th year of marriage!  How did we get to this part of life so quickly, now being considered a "married old couple?"  It still is surreal to me to realize that I have been living with this man for a longer period of time than I even had lived with my family of origin. Somehow, when we take those wedding vows we never put together that it will be that one holding our hand who has literally chosen to live out all of our days with us, and not our parents.

Our marriage was one that was expected not to last, especially by fellow co-workers.  After all, our relationship started from knowing one another from work.  I was the charge RN, he was a Psychiatric aide, both of us working at a private Psychiatric hospital.  Certainly, not the typical place to seek out a mate.  But more than the place was the fact of our complete opposite and distinct differences.  He was black and I was white.  I viewed him as arrogant and very sure of himself.  I viewed myself more passive and anxious.  He was the son of a cop and I the daughter of a preacher.  He smoked at the time, and I never ever took a puff. He willingly engaged in verbal debate, and I shied away from most argument then.  Yet, it was to each other that we were attracted.

Our wedding took place in a tiny chapel in Reno, Nevada.  We arrived after a very bumpy airplane trip, with the wind, cold and snow flurries greeting us.  Good friends Mary and Russel (from work, of course) stood up for us, and spent time later exploring the beautiful blue Lake Tahoe area.  It was a whirlwind weekend, so many things were brand new for me to experience, and yet, somehow I felt more secure and safe in the arms of this man than I had ever felt before.

But marriage isn't built on feelings, at least that is what I think now, 29 years later.  It's not based on having a soulmate, one who thinks and breathes like you.  It's not based solely on similarities, in fact, I think I would have been a pretty dull person had I not been challenged to think outside of my norm, my box. It never is a 50-50 constant relationship.  There are times of bliss, discord, peace, conflict, happiness, sadness, togetherness and loneliness.  There is no balance in how that all works out. The reality is more dynamic like 25-75, 90-10, even 0-100.  This of course always catches you off guard, but all of it is marriage. 

Before going to sleep the other night, before my husband got home from work, I prayed my gratefulness to God.  I thanked Him that I did have such a warm bed in a home with a husband who night after night for 29 years has slept in that very bed with me.  Faithfulness and integrity have always characterized my Qbert. Honoring our commitment to one another has been our foundation, despite any differences or challenges.  That gift for us has only come through God's grace and mercy.  Yes, the glue that keeps us together is not of ourselves, but outside of us, and only from God.  

Perhaps that sounds too spiritual, but marriage, that aspect of actually becoming one with another is not just a physical act or  union.  It's not just love and care, sometimes it only resides in silent prayers to a loving heavenly Father who knows your frame, your shortcomings, your failures and gives you grace to forgive, repent, and endure. The outcome is the ability to not only look back and be grateful, but look ahead still with great hope and aspiration.

So, I am completely in love with my Qbert, still.  Grateful for all he has given to me of himself.  Thankful for our son, our home, all of our wonderful dogs we have had on our journey, for our wonderful extended family, and for my personal growth that my husband has planted, pruned and produced in me.  

Yes, we were like rough rocks of granite tossed and pressed together, but I'd say we're shining up pretty well together.  And will he still love me when I'm 64?  I think so . . .