Gypsy Rose immediately prances to the back door as she hears her name. We are ready for our morning walk, which has started later than usual, since I have some of these summer days off. But it is still early enough to catch the morning breeze. Walking south, I am refreshed by feeling the gentle wind all around me, it's a cool wrap in contrast to the summer sun. But it all seems to disappear as I turn the corner and head west, my summer breeze is gone. I am at a loss for it even as I continue north and east. It's only as I begin the southern sidewalks back home that I am met with the blissful breeze. I realize that though I wasn't feeling it for most of my steps, it was there all along, I just had to turn the right direction to get relief . . .
Sometimes, that is how my relationship with God seems. Yes, I know He is ever near and is with me, but I don't feel that fact. Sometimes my prayers seem to be in a vacuum, and I'm not sure if He truly hears. I find myself repeating petitions that remain unanswered. Joy and peace are elusive, as they tease me with the start of my days, but quickly fade into my routine of cook, work, sleep, repeat. I am in need of restoration for my mind and spirit, as I assess my life journey so far. Maybe, I just need to change directions, walk back toward and into that Holy Spirit breeze that has always been there . . .
How did they do it? I have continued deep into the book of Nehemiah reviewing the history of the Jewish nation after they were almost obliterated by the Assyrians, Babylonians, and Persians. They were an exiled people without their homeland, a place that had been their heritage based upon God's covenant love and plan. Yet, because of their disobedience and seeking after other spiritual directions and gods, they lost it all. I'm sure there was no agony like theirs, especially in those ancient times. Cruelty, starvation, enslavement to their conquerors, and being left to die were the outcomes they faced. Yet a remnant of those very people were granted grace and provisions to return to their ransacked and burned out city, and given the means to begin rebuilding. I wonder what their conversation was as they traveled that 3-4 month trip back to their home. Did they ever feel that cooling breeze of hope?
Although they survived the trip and made it to Jerusalem, they faced mockery, harassment and death threats as they began to rebuild the walls of their city. They were doing only what was within their right and had the permission of their conquering King. But even with all things on their side, opposition arose. So they worked and guarded their wall, with weapons ready to defend themselves. Yes, I realize even when I am obedient to do want God has called me to do, it will not be an easy road. I know that I have found that true these 44 years of being a nurse. I have had times of fear, doubt, challenge, fatigue, burnout, mixed up with times of enjoyment, pleasure, hope and strength. But now I wonder, can I change directions once again? Can I walk into that cooler summer breeze?
Yes, truth be told, I am not in my prime time, whatever that means. Maybe I am in the August of life, beginning the last third of the days allotted to me by God's grace. Maybe I need to be curious and open to what seemingly may be a different opportunity. I do know that I need to be renewed, I need time to rest in silence and have my ears ready to really listen to what God wants me to hear. Maybe I just need to walk into and embrace His summer breeze . . .
"When I saw their fear, I rose and spoke to the nobles,
the officials and the rest of the people: 'Do not be afraid of them;
remember the Lord who is great and awesome
and fights for you. . ."
(Nehemiah 4:14)
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