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Forgiveness

My heart sunk . . . again.  It seems to be the course of my life.  It's one thing to have your hopes and dreams dashed, but to have them boldly slaughtered in front of you takes your breath away.  Words, thoughts, images are powerful.  What is said is a reflection of the heart.  Nurturing a heart to grow favorably and in step with God is a responsibility I was eager to embrace.  But it's that heart that spurns me now and all I stand for. Maybe I'm just too sensitive, maybe not.  Just when I seem to be getting over disappointments here comes another.  I have given up the struggle of trying to make things work out, I realize I do not control outcomes. If I didn't have relationships then I wouldn't have to deal with this pain.  Life is certainly a two edged sword, to engage in it means to open yourself to pain and sorrow.  I even wonder why would God Himself ever take on human skin to experience such agony? 

I do not want to be pessimistic, I keep hoping in the deepest aspect of my broken heart that hope will rise.  I long for redemption of this one that has stomped and shredded my heart.  But that one seems to show no care, I am just a face fading in the crowd.  With all that said, my only recourse is to forgive. . . 

Forgiveness . . .letting go of my pain and personal hurt without any compensation.  I have no repayment of the debt, I'll be the one left out. Perhaps this is the process of becoming more like Christ.  I just never thought it would be like this, to love the one now so unlovable  . . .

Forgiveness. . .


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