Mary's Heartbeats

"Oh, dear, I've had an accident!" she exclaimed.  "I guess I'm just not humble enough yet, the Lord has to still humble me. . . "  Her words caught me off guard.  I hadn't view the situation from her eyes.  No, my response was here is something I can do to intervene, I can actually use my nursing skills while showing my love and care.  I always wanted to be the caretaker of my parents as their age progressed, but as things turned out, they independently lived before they passed on.  But at that moment with my aunt, I had a chance to give a little to one who had given so much to me throughout the years.  What caught me by surprise was how she thought she was still in need to be humbled.  My aunt was so saintly to me, she had been the one who cared for all her family, for her elderly mother, aunt and uncle.  She had seemingly sacrificed her personal life to provide stability and a loving home for all of them.  She loved to entertain, her h...

It slammed into the shore, spraying sea foam while churning up the sandy beach.  I found myself caught and tumbled helplessly with it.  It's like being in a giant washing machine, spinning and turning upside down as water forces you this way and that.  You are under the wave's control, it grips you in its power.  When it decides to let go, you hope it has at least left you beached and not taken you back to sea. . .  I felt that same surprising turmoil as I ran today in the cool September morning.  The blast of air I ran against immediately awakened my senses.  But for now, I guess I have resurfaced for I find myself breathing air again.  Surviving the surf is but a taste of surviving the storm.  Modern life is trapped in days of tremendous storm, we see the devastation daily. It seems we are hit with daily tsunamis--be it natural, physical, emotional, or financial.  I don't know why we are so stunned, for history has always reminded ...

"For I will pour out water on the thirsty land and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out My Spirit on your offspring, and My blessing on your descendants. . . " (Isaiah 44:3) Why didn't I see it sooner? I'm reading in one of Daddio's commentaries and noted throughout the pages faint pencil underlying. There were also scattered x's highlighting certain paragraphs. Initially, I realized that Dad always marked in fountain pen blue ink, so maybe he got this book second hand. That was until the other day, for then I saw her writing, my Mom's, in the margin of the page. Oh, that made sense, Mom would study with a pencil in hand and mark those special passages with x's. It was a reminder that I especially needed this time of year. . . August has become a bittersweet month. It's the last month of summer, my favorite season, that I never want to say good bye to. It's a month of birthdays for young nieces and nephews, along with...

I pedaled faster down the hill splashing directly into the morning cool breeze. It was as refreshing as that first jump into the ocean blue. I breathed deeply the fresh new air, filling my lungs with all that they could hold. The wave of air seemed to bring fresh blood to my tired legs and quickly wiped away all my hard earned sweat. Oh, this is what it means to swim in waves of grace! Every move I make, every step I take, lands me in the benefit of God's grace. That grace has washed away my failures, my mistakes, my inadequacies; all the things I should have done and haven't, all those attempts at being right when really I was wrong. I live now with just a thankful open heart to bask in waves that God has brought to me. So many times, I just don't get it. I wonder if my faith has even grown, because seemingly the slightest thing that happens in my day can make me spin and feel like doom is just around the corner. But because God has already provided for my sa...

Too often, I have viewed these current days as a mighty sea determined to storm against me. Life hasn't swept by smoothly this year. Instead it's been a year of great extremes. Driving to our son's wedding brunch, I mentioned to my husband that life has really turned out so very different than what I ever thought it would. He answered with a question, "Why do you even have such preconceptions?" I had to think, yes, I often find myself comparing true reality to my own "mind reality." Maybe that's the source of a raging sea within . . . Somehow, I guess I thought that those preconceptions would be better than the present. But when I find myself holding on to them, I lose my present joy in the moments set before me. I realized that day that I no longer want to miss out on life as it really is. The fact being that I get caught up in using my preplanned ideas to try and control circumstances. In that process, I end up feeling used and disapp...

I love going to the beach. I had forgotten how much I love the hot sand, the salty breeze, and the beautiful blue Pacific. Each time that I have been there this summer has reminded me again how much I enjoy it. I can never get enough of watching the pelicans fly overhead in their perfect "check mark" formation or of looking out to see dolphins jump and frolic in the waves. Yet, the best part is getting in the waves . . . The ocean's warmth first bites you with surprise. Just when you think you're hot enough to finally take the plunge, the cool water splashing against your feet reminds you still that it will take at least a moment to get use to it. It's often easier to take the plunge and jump right in. After that initial shock of cold, you don't seem to mind it any time after. It was that kind of day that I enjoyed so much with my sister-in-law. The waves were just my type, easy and predictable to read, really very gentle and inviting. We had s...

I'm back! After months and months of empty pages, when I excused myself by saying that I had no time to write. No, I could not bring myself to write. But today, I'm ready to overflow the page with my heart and soul. It's always interesting to me how there is a definite season to write. Writing can never be forced, even if you want to express something at least for relief. It just won't happen, until it's time, just like you can't hold back the ocean tide. . . For months, I have ridden in the waves. Or rather, I've been drowning in the sea, tossed and driven in the rough. When I thought that things were calmer and I was ready for the shore, another gigantic breaker would hit that forced me to dive directly into it or be pounded into the sand by my foolish self reluctance. Especially, in these summer weeks, I have felt caught in the rip tides of life. If you ever have been in one, there is no easy way out. You often have to go with the current ...