Skip to main content

58 and . . .

I went through all of last year with the phrase in my head as "57+."  I defined my life to a number and a symbol.  Perhaps that was my pause, "what now?"  I often wondered, "what does life look like for me ahead?"  I could absolutely not see a thing, but my continual "daily-ness."  I attended a conference for developing resilience while working in the health fields, and the first exercise was to draw a picture of your present life.  I was stumped for several minutes, as nothing came to mind.  All I could think of was "57+" and that wouldn't take up too much space on the white blank in front of me.  So I began to push the purple crayon starting "in the air," drawing leaves, then eventually a branch and tree.  Yes, I felt like I was out on a limb, so unsure of what next may follow.  With the comments of those at my table, I heard that my sidelined tree not only showed stability, but did have the hope of new things ahead, whatever that may be . . . hmm.  Plus I realized in looking at each of the other pictures, we all experience life with uncertainties and yet want to remain hopeful as we look ahead.

So I have been looking, seeking out the new.  I have been trying to figure out "how do I like my eggs?" as that wonderful question is phrased in the movie Runaway Bride.  I  am discovering that for me it  may just be the small and insignificant, instead of the grand miraculous.  Looking for those present moments of new discovery is actually very freeing.  I don't need the spectacular, thunder clap experience, I can instead thrive in my very ordinary circumstances.  Who knew?

Becoming the number 58 this year, immediately brought to mind no more uncertainty, but the reality of "and."  This was going to be the year of "58 and."  I do have things to say and do, and even if I make a difference or have meaning for just one or even if it's just for me, that is enough.  Life is better when you can live with the surprise of it, instead of clinging to what you want it to be.  And frankly, I am done with expectations.  Life is lived by embracing not resisting. . .

"And" so far has made me grateful, thankful for each person in my life.  Thankful for relationships, old and new alike.  "And" has strengthened me in ways I didn't know before.  I can lift weights and gain more strength, even though my biceps still don't ripple.  "And" empowers me to try new things, to cook new ways, to become a seasoned sports fan, to blog again, my list goes on. . .  I do not need the approval of others in what I choose to do, my definition is my own.  "And" so far is going to be an adventure that I take on . . .

Perhaps that is why I love the chorus, "Let go my soul and trust in Him, the waves and wind still know His name. . ."  That has always been the secret, letting go and trusting Him through all the seasons of your life.  It's not shaking your fist at what you can't control or harboring anger over those times you "spilled the milk or threw the baby out with the water", but practicing forgiveness, humility, and kindness, living your life in love.   58 and . . .

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hummingbird Lessons

My eye caught a small round mound stuck upon a branch.  Looking closer, I found indeed it was the start of a hummingbird nest.  And yes, I now had the mother hummingbird buzzing around my head, reminding me that I was in her space.  I have been able to witness at least 3 other hummingbird families come to life, and I was always mesmerized by these "tiny vulnerabilities" becoming resilient birds in only a matter of five to six weeks.  The nest was right out my patio door, and I had the best view to watch them daily.  I was smiling. I had a hunch that babies would be coming soon, because our hummingbird feeder had been especially sucked dry only a few weeks earlier.  One day I found at least 4 hummingbirds at one time feeding, which is highly unusual because most times they come one at a time and don't seem to want to share the space.  If they would share, it was two only at a the bar and of course on opposite sides.  I was filling that feeder at le...
Post a Comment
Read more

Awe

  The thunder resounded with a loud clap! Certainly, it came as an afternoon surprise.  The expected rain seemed less than what was forecasted, but with the thunder came a bucket of heavy raindrops splashing against my kitchen window.  I wanted to take it all in, the fresh aroma of falling rain and the beauty of water drops hitting the leaves of my nasturtium and petunia hanging baskets.  Unfortunately, the rain cloud quickly fled, running away into the eastern sky.  But then the sun made its way onto the scene, and I was drawn to a thick band of rainbow colors shining up at me.  The western sky was magnificently orange, completely bound up tight with that solo color scheme.  I went outside to catch it all before it would disappear.  Creation again was causing me to pause in awe and wonder. . . Awe is that reverential wonder, that even includes fear and respect.  It is only a 3 letter word, but it takes bigger and grander words to define it....
Post a Comment
Read more

Complicated Relationship Living

Today is Mom's birthday.  If she were here,  we would be celebrating her 109th day of life.  I can't believe that it has already been 20 years since she said goodbye to earthly living.   I was much too young back then, at the age of 45, to lose my Mom.  You always long for at least one more conversation to ask the questions you didn't get a chance to do.  You often wished you would have had more talks, especially as you find yourself on a different side of life, other wise known as the senior years. As parents we always desire to keep our family ties together and close, but it doesn't always work out that way.  When our  parents were still living, and as they grew more elderly, they of course were the bond that brought my brothers and myself together.  As adult children, we each had a unique relationship to them, but I am realizing now, that we didn't necessarily have a tie with one another.  We were children of the nuclear family, ...
Post a Comment
Read more