Mary's Heartbeats

It's a haul . . . an uphill grade, one in which I pedal standing up on my bike. I relish the strength I've found in my legs, though I am sweating a river and panting for breath. My mind ignores any exhaustion and repeats only verses or songs to mix with my vision of being at the end of the street. I've climbed a bit farther this year, more than I've ever done in the past. I'm at the top, at least so I think, yet having reached that destination I find a bit more of a bend in the road to explore. But for now, I'm ecstatic for the progress I've made. The whole valley is spread out below me like green bumpy carpet surrounded with walls of blue sky and low puffy clouds. I sit and begin to coast down, down, down . . . That's when it hits me, the coolest breeze whips right up against me. It's brisk and refreshing, and I can't get enough. I just want to breathe it in like a smooth summer drink. . .

It just started out as a way to talk with my Mom. I'm not sure how she became so deaf, it was as if she had been exposed to jet engine noise, in that she was unable to completely hear out of one ear and the other was so minimal that in all practicality, she was unable to hear out of that one too. It seemed rather sudden in her early seventy's that this occurred, but down the years it progressed significantly. She lived away from me, and yet I wanted to talk with her so often. I would call on the weekends, but she was unable to hear me on the phone. She would greet me, but would have to rely on my Dad to catch her up on our news. So I decided to write, because I knew she not only would read my letters, but she would save them up. I'm not sure how it happened, but somewhere along that time, I would find myself writing to her in poems and stories, attempting to show her a complete picture of my heart. And she loved my writing, she would often tell me, and she saved th...

I have always wished that I had been born a pioneer woman. Thinking of myself as being hearty and earthy, I'm sure I could have handled living off the land. I love the outdoors and creation's majestic beauty. I have seen the power of rain, storms, and floods to respect all that nature has to offer. Growing up with access to the Rocky Mountains gave me opportunity for hiking and exploring. Memories of eating wild gooseberries, sneaking up on a deer, wading through crystal clear cold creeks, and fishing for rainbow trout are some of my best. Maybe it came from reading the "Little House on the Prairie" series that fed my imagination and yearning to have lived a different time. But that wasn't the plan, for I am here. . . All of us are gifted with life. As if that is not enough in and of itself, we are individually given talents, strengths, and abilities. We know that King Solomon was given wisdom at his request from God. He was put in the time of histo...

Having realized that bloodshed was necessary in establishing his father's kingdom, King Solomon found himself dreaming one night in a place called Gibeon. In that dream he had an open conversation with God. He acknowledged his inadequacy in being ruler of the great nation of Israel and compared his immaturity as a leader to that of an ignorant child. His request was simple, just "give me an understanding heart, (literally a hearing heart), to judge Your people, and to discern between good and evil." It was a genuine honest request that pleased the Lord. So Solomon was granted "wisdom, and very great discernment and breadth of mind, like the sand that is on the seashore." (I Kings 4:29) Along with the gift of wisdom, God chose to give him riches and honor like no other king and if Solomon chose to walk righteously, God would prolong his days. Then he woke up. Wow, talk about a mind-blowing experience, I wonder if upon awakening, Solomon suddenly had all...

I relaxed on the couch with a cup of steamy hot chocolate. Putting my feet up, my buddy Goldyn joined me after I granted him permission. He took full advantage of my offer by sprawling across my lap and legs. He was so furry and warm, which I welcomed on this unseasonal cool Spring night. His freshly washed coat was cuddly soft and he smelt so good, that I enjoyed just burying my head in his neck . . . Oh, how I love great big dogs! But he didn't get that way by himself, because earlier that day he had to have his bath. Now, Goldyn loves the water, in fact he readily gets in the pool, even up to his chest during cold winter days. But just like a kid who tries to avoid soap and water, Goldyn instinctively seemed to know what was coming when the green big tub arrived on the patio. It was going to be a challenge for me and for him as this was the first time I wouldn't have my son to assist. I carefully planned my strategy, figuring a way to keep him leashed until...

Mmm . . . I caught the faint sweet smell of the freshly picked lilacs as I walked through my family room. Lilacs have gotta be the fragrance of Spring! As I sat down and started to read, their aroma quickly drifted off. Instead, I found myself knee deep in blood and gore. In bold print was how King Solomon initially established his kingdom and power. He had a hit man, Benaiah, who carried out his plans, and killed off the threats to his political power. This included Solomon's older brother, Adonijah, who had failed at capturing the kingdom for himself. It was also, Joab, his father's former army commander, who himself had been involved with killing those he felt were in his way. Finally, it was Shimei, who had been a tormentor of his father King David. So King Solomon had settled the score, both for him and for his father; now, he could rule. I think I know why people don't like to read the stories found in the Old Testament. I think they find them muc...

I pulled in the driveway easing my way into the garage as the door rolled up. Whew! I had done it! I had just completed a three hour yoga session. I was a bit sore, but realized once again how much stronger I have become over this past year and how much my mind has calmed in response to stress. Walking into my empty house, I called for "Goldy-Locks," he was already relaxed in his spot by my bed. His tail wagged as I approached, and together we walked out to the backyard, so he could take care of his "final business"for the night. I guess I've grown accustomed to my quiet nights at home . . . The ringing of the phone caught me by surprise, hmm . . . who would be calling now, so late? "Hello," I said and then just smiled as the voice on the other end was my husband checking in on me. "How did it go? Are you in for the night now?" he said. I reassured him that all was well and that I am safe and sound. "OK, I'm just ma...

"The emotional place where a marriage begins is not nearly as important as the emotional place where a marriage finds itself after many years of partnership." ( Elizabeth Gilbert) My collard greens had grown up once again and had burst in yellow blooms. The Swiss chard was not to be outdone with its bright red stems and purplish green gigantic leaves. Even the onions had flowery balls coming out its stems. I completely enjoy this task of cutting down my harvest and filling up my basket. I have been able to do it several times since planting. There is just something about being able to eat vegetables that you plant and tend to. It's the best of two worlds, pleasing to the eye and tasty to eat! I was especially proud of my green onions--so many in a bunch! I was already looking forward to future pickings as I saw how fast my raspberry bush had sprung up from its winter nap. So with great pride, I walked into the room with my freshly washed, fragrant onions ...

King David lies dying. He's done what he must do, he rightfully bestowed the kingship on his son Solomon. But the kingdom has been divided with political and personal foes. One of his other sons, Adonijah, thought that he could steal the throne by rallying a few alliances and throwing a victory celebration to make his own royal proclamation. The party ended when the uproar of the crowd announcing King Solomon's reign disturbed them. They all ran for cover and now loose ends are left in making this kingdom finally united . . . With each generation of life comes loose ends. There is always unfinished work to be done, and what might have been started with our parents, our grandparents, our great-grandparents, eventually winds up with us. We have ample opportunity to complete what they didn't accomplish or what they had hoped and dreamed for. It's up to us in how we live our time. Just like David desired Solomon's name to be better than his and his throne gre...

Well, I found myself caught up again in watching golf. This time it was the famous green jacketed Masters Tournament. It proved to be four days of great shots, amazing saves, and perfect putts. I was pleased that my buddy Phil Mickelson came out the winner. His game especially over the past two days was dazzling, and even seemed to catch him by surprise. But I must admit, my eyes welled with tears as he embraced his wife and kids after his victory. It was wonderful to see his wife there at his side, as she has been very ill with breast cancer. Of all the golfers chasing this win, it seemed most fitting that Phil should come out the victor. . . And Tiger seemed like Tiger, still able to make such unbelievable shots. I would easily find myself caught up in his game and cheering him on, but then my mind would recall all that has been revealed about this number one golf player over these past five months. True, when I think of how he lived his life, I am completely repulsed. ...

King David was very old now, so old that he couldn't even keep his body warm. A beautiful maiden had to be found in the kingdom who would come to be his nurse and warmth. Abishag was her name and she attended to his needs, as he was much too feeble. In this state of weakness and lost virility, David still had not announced who would be his king replacement; and in his family now, chaos reigned because of his indecisiveness. It took the prodding of his wife Bathsheba and the prophet Nathan to finally get David to proclaim the kingly plan. King David, known throughout the ages as the "man after God's own heart," a valiant warrior, the composer of hymns and psalms, the former shepherd boy who defeated the mighty giant Goliath, and the one who gave in to the temptation of stealing his captain's wife and murdering him to cover up the wrong. Yet, most notably, you can't ignore how David played the passive father part in bringing up his children. . . ...

I'm back to my early morning bike rides. Although the sun isn't fully awake, the sky is light and the birds have started their songs of praise. I am enjoying the crisp air biting at my ears, my hands, and knees. I have just reached my highest destination for the morning and have started the downward trail. As I am rounding the corner for the bike path, about forty feet in front me comes a skittish coyote. He's lanky, with short tan fur, and gallops with his hind legs lopping to the side. He's got a steady pace, although it looks uneven. He's not too sure about what to make of me, especially as I seem to be in hot pursuit of him. I decide to have some fun, after all I'm the one on the bike, so I speed up attempting to close the gain he has on me. But he keeps an eye out for me by peering over his right shoulder to make sure I am still in the distance. Up ahead he finds relief. There's a bridge to the other side of the trail and he quickly darts ac...

I know that I am a person of the Book and a person of faith in God. But there is just something about once again reading the account of the resurrected Jesus and how he responded to his closest followers that remind me that the God I believe in is personal and relational. He's not a stone cold, carved image or just a fleeting wispy spirit, nor is he Mother Earth and only visible in his creation. His followers did not believe it true that a crucified rabbi could rise again. They found an empty tomb and then oddly went away, back home; shut the doors, hoping they wouldn't be found by those who may try and kill them too for following that teacher. Mary Magdalene found the empty tomb, and in fact, she was the one to inform the others. But after they all left, she stayed behind and cried, it seemed that all continued to go so terribly wrong. First, the One that she believed in, who had indeed saved her from her sins, was horribly killed before her eyes, and now his bo...

The end of the book has come. All of the visions and interpretations have ceased. Daniel is left with so much information about the near and distant future, all so difficult to even comprehend. But the final message to him is simple, just "go your way." It's repeated twice as if for emphasis, it reminds me that each of us is to "go our way," life is not to be played out on the sidelines. There is something so inquisitive about our human nature that we are always wanting to figure out the future, perhaps we feel it would make our life easier in that we wouldn't have to work so hard to figure out what to do . . . Yet, I think God in his mercy has given us just enough. He graciously hasn't laid out our future in minute details, for he knows that with our finite minds and bodies, we would be totally succumbed, just as Daniel often experienced throughout his vivid dreams and visions. . . No, his message is simple, "go your way." Go your...