Mary's Heartbeats

Many days have passed since I have written. Some of those were days of fatigue and darkness, but little by little, meaning and purpose has been returning to my life. I am not always sure why we have to travel such roads. I had stayed late again at work to finish up the endless call backs and numerous forms to write. I like to leave my desk empty at night instead of facing the inevitable the next morning. But now I was ready to leave, even though the puffy gray clouds threatened from my office windows. It has been a week of strange weather---raging heat at 100 degrees plus---and now intermittent afternoon thunderstorms. I breathed deeply the fresh smell of rain as I went to my car. The days are getting shorter, as I realized even at 6 pm the sun was beginning to set. Pulling into our driveway, I knew I had a one more chore to do; put out the trash cans for the collectors tomorrow. Getting out of my car and looking east, I saw it . . . Right there before my eyes was...

It had to have been the most rundown house in the neighborhood. Neglect had left it faded, without windows and screens in the upstairs. A rusty garage door hung unevenly and the wooden fence that circled the house hardly stood by itself as it feebly attempted to conceal the backyard junkyard. It seemed to have been a host for various people, for there were always several cars parked out in front, although individuals were not often seen. But something now has changed. They started by tearing down the old fence and filling dumpsters with endless stuff. A crew of people worked all day, digging, trimming, throwing out, from the inside of the house all the way to the outside yard. They scrubbed and painted quite quickly, and even within one week, change was evident. It now looks livable with borders trimly etched. The rose bushes in the front have shown off their blossoms that were hidden so long by debris. New windows and frames, fresh paint for the stucco, a real back ya...

It's not going well. The golf drive is lost, it seems to find trees instead of the narrow fairways. The putting is definitely off; if it is there, it is there only inconsistently. Bogeys and double bogeys are his friends that surface on the lonely courses. The focus and Tiger vision that once was so invincible now is blurred and blinded. What was to be one of the greatest years in golf history for him, now seems to be a distant and far away dream. I wonder what Tiger thinks these days, I wonder if he thinks all that he got away with in his former life was worth losing his game, his wife, his kids, and now his no. 1 spot. Was it worth it? In some ways, I give him credit that he is at least out there trying to make a comeback. However, there's another part of me that would just like to see him give it a break. It's like witnessing a lame horse trying to still run in the race. Sometimes the most respectable thing to do is to withdraw and reconsider. Maybe, just...

I had just had a conversation earlier that day with my husband. I had talked about how we don't seem to live in the age of the dramatic, visible signs of God that you read about in the Bible. I have never had a sea parted before me, or had a pillar of fire follow me, or had fire come down from heaven and entirely lick up a saturated sacrifice. I have never seen Jesus walk on water or feed gigantic crowds with just one serving of fish and bread or heal countless individuals. I would like to think that it would have been so much easier to believe if I had been living during those times, especially with such spectacular signs and wonders before me. But my husband reminded me, I wouldn't have gotten it either, I would be no different than the people back then who actually were witnesses to those events. His parting words stuck with me as he said, "Maybe, you don't recognize the signs that are in your life" . . . hm mm . . . I had taken the sheets of...

They seemed to have left in a hurry. They did have access to food, in fact plenty of leftover fish and bread had been picked up from feeding 4000 people. But as soon as they arrived to their destination, their Teacher was once again greeted with the arguing and questioning religious leaders of the day. "Show us a sign from heaven that you are really who you say you are!" they demanded. Sighing deeply, and denying their request, Jesus and his followers abruptly left . . . Don't they get it, that the sign they seek from heaven is actually standing and breathing right in front of them? Now trying to have a teachable moment with his disciples, Jesus begins to give them insight into the traditions and rules of the Pharisees and Herodians, i.e. insight into the danger of being spiritually dead and hardhearted by man made religion. But the disciples were hungry and could only complain to one another that they had brought one measly loaf of bread with them. So once aga...

I am laying back in the warm bubbles of the jacuzzi with my head resting on the edge between the pool. My relaxation is only interrupted by my dog's furry steps around my head and his quick lick of love on my face. It's a wonderful summer twilight. . . I watch the hummingbirds chase and dodge one another around the feeder, each wanting to get the prime seat of sweetness. It's amazing that a creature so tiny and fragile appearing has such dogged determination. Even when they rest in the nearby tree branches, their feet steadfastly cling to the branch that bobbles wildly in the breeze. It's as if they are surfers on the mighty waves! Yet, nothing deters their birds eye view of things, and quickly they come again to feed before nighttime falls. . . I still am enjoying my upward view and now catch the yellow bellied wild parrots passing overhead. I usually hear their squawking conversation with their mates, but tonight they seem content to just fly side by side ea...

It had been another exhausting day, from morning until evening. Extra time was involved in feeding hungry people who had stayed and listened, watching the Teacher for any great work that may be done before them. The 12 disciples who followed had grown tired and hungry as well, they were willing to send the people away, but no, that wasn't His way, the Jesus way. He fed them fish and bread, and used their very hands to serve it up. The meal had started with just enough for one, but they had gathered even leftovers after the 5000+ crowd was full. He was obviously tired, and sending his disciples on in their boat, he stole away up the mountain for rest and rejuvenation for his soul. But, sleep would once again evade Him . . . He saw their struggle with the waves and wind. No matter how hard they rowed, their attempts were futile, as water began to gush over the sides of the boat. So He left his quiet sanctuary and entered into the storm upon the sea. Walking toward them, ...