Mary's Heartbeats

Rain eludes us . . . still , despite the hope of a warm Pacific ocean ripe to spawn a rash of ElNino storms. Sun and drought are our norm . . . still , even if the showers flood us out, as these storms won’t be cold enough to build up mountain snow pack. So I find myself pedaling the hills with windblown colored leaves pelting down on me, instead of chasing off cold winter raindrops. Clouds whether puffy or gray, hovering around the foothills, look promising, but only sputter out a wet mist and rainy scent. No, the expected is now unexpected.   .   . Back in my kitchen . . . with Goldyn comfortably sprawled out by my feet, I gaze at a backyard drier, but still alive and hearty with productive growth. Life is full of the expected . . . work, play, pleasure, family times, and lasting friendship ties, Yet, lived in the reality of unexpected losses, hardship, pain, and lonely suffering broken hearts. Yes, the unexpected too often turns out to be the expe...

Welcome winter!  The first day of the darkest, coldest season has arrived this very morning.  Once again coming right on time, silently, and with a chilly breath.  Yet surprisingly, I have been able to still pluck beautiful roses from my garden.  How strange that with less sun, less warmth, the bushes seem to have produced even more vivid blooms. I spent my usual Sunday evening with my Mom Ruth and her closest friend, Happi.  Both are age 97 and live in a nursing home center.  Every Sunday afternoon, I make a point to visit both of them, and always bring a treat, which usually is a couple of cookies.  But yesterday, I took some freshly baked coffee cake and a small bag of truffles.  Both of these ladies had been part of my original "Faithful Women's Tea," that I had started in honor of my Mom.  But now as age has disabled them, I take my goodies to them. Age is not always kind, it often cripples, weakens, blinds, and even brings confusi...

I don't know about you, but each year I find myself approaching the month of December "with my feet on the brakes." The dark days sneak in on you, pulling you into slumber, making it harder to get out of bed in the mornings, but also making it easier to excuse yourself for earlier bedtimes.  The daytime seems to evaporate like a water drop on a hot skillet.  Ironically, we try to counter this typical pattern of less daylight with more stuff, more activities, and more things.  We cannot even enjoy one holiday without another one being shoved upon us.  In fact the end of the year for most folks tends to be one of just a blurred frenzy. . . A I started out on my bike ride, the crisp air seemed to oil and stretch the tight muscles in my legs.  Soon I was at my usual pace, and singing in my head, the Moriah Peters song "I choose Jesus, I choose Jesus, the One who first chose me. . ."  My eyes were filling up with the colors of tree leaves, gold, orange, red,...

Suffering seems the winner these days.  In the aftermath of another senseless killing of innocent victims, much closer to home, it's hard to begin to even fathom how a mother and father could forsake their newborn to go on a killing rampage.  They brought life to their daughter and before she could have any self awareness, they brought death not only to others, but to themselves.  I have pondered like many, what indeed were the thoughts of this couple, what had been stored up in their hearts, what wrongs or injustices were they seeking revenge for?  Again, I am left with only my questions and no real answers, just lots of speculation and guessing . . . Evil and righteousness have always been enemies.  Throughout the history of human life there have been wars, massacres, genocides, and murder without cause.   Peace and cease fires have only been temporary at best. Goodness often seems beat out by wrongdoing.  It's a grim reality that has always be...

  Well, here we are at our 29th year of marriage!  How did we get to this part of life so quickly, now being considered a "married old couple?"  It still is surreal to me to realize that I have been living with this man for a longer period of time than I even had lived with my family of origin. Somehow, when we take those wedding vows we never put together that it will be that one holding our hand who has literally chosen to live out all of our days with us, and not our parents. Our marriage was one that was expected not to last, especially by fellow co-workers.  After all, our relationship started from knowing one another from work.  I was the charge RN, he was a Psychiatric aide, both of us working at a private Psychiatric hospital.  Certainly, not the typical place to seek out a mate.  But more than the place was the fact of our complete opposite and distinct differences.  He was black and I was white.  I viewed him as arrogant and ver...