God's Allowances

Stepping up on my footstool, I rummaged through my shelf of purses.  My large quilted bag held my scarves, but now I knew it was time for it to serve a better cause than just being a scarf bag.  Plus, it was brand new, so it would be perfect to give for the donation.  Spreading out all the scarves on my bed, I began folding and sorting them in an orderly manner.  Underneath the pile, I found the "black bonnet" of my Mom, the one she always wore when riding in the car.  It was made of fine thin, net like material, with small gold dots, and had a pearly oval clasp that adjusted to her neck when she put it on.  She never liked to have her hair blown with the windows rolled down in our car.  Nope, she worked hard each day in putting her thick silver/black hair into a french roll, and had it shaped just right around her face, so no matter how hot the car would be, no wind was going to undo her doo!  Year after year, she faithfully wore that bonnet, and here it was still.  I had forgotten that I had kept it.  I immediately put the balled up bonnet to my nose, and yes, I still smelled a faint hint of Aqua Net Hair Spray, the one that came in the purple can.  Mom still lingered, for a moment not just as a memory, but as my precious Mom and I missed her so . . . 

Each year since her passing over eleven years ago has been odd.  It is strange to live my adult life without her presence.  I often wish I could have at least one more conversation with her, as finally I feel that I understand her and myself so much better. That evidently was never part of the plan, as I arrived to my Mom and Dad as a midlife "surprise baby," causing their senior years to arrive quicker to my youth.  She often remarked that I was the one who kept her young and active, although she remarkably eased through a life that had its share of hardships.  She seemingly followed the lead of Dad with ease, which involved multiple moves, due to his job as a Pastor and Evangelist.  She completely supported him, not only being the church pianist, but also being a Sunday School teacher or speaker for Women's events as well.  She was an excellent typist and was Dad's editor assisting him when he went back to school and when he wrote his book.  When her health was afflicted with a significant hearing loss and compression fractures from osteoporosis, she still was accepting.  She didn't seem to fight or deny what was, and never seemed to harbor resentment for what could have been.   She had contentment with whatever.  Her secret, I think, was her never wavering faith that her life was in God's hands and will.

James the brother of Jesus, writes his letter with that very thought in mind, that one should consider all the challenges and trials in life as joy.  At first glance, it seems to make no sense, and certainly seems unattainable.  But giving thought and time to what he said, James is encouraging one to cooperate with what comes our way today.  I get that, when I remind myself to be in the moment and remember that God has brought this very moment to me now, when I positively cooperate with it, there is peace, calm, and even inward joy.  I find myself no longer reacting and feeling that life is out to get me.

Faith is not an end in itself, it is a means to an end.  It brings us into a relationship with a sovereign God, who then can produce in us the gifts and graces of His character.  Anything that does that is cause for rejoicing and joy.  Therefore, I need to cultivate an attitude of positive cooperation with the purposes of God that He allows in my life . . . just like I saw with Mom.

Yes, Mom, I am finally getting it . . .