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Without Misgivings

Quietly, I make my way through the darkened hallway.  My plan is to get out early, before the course gets crowded with carts and players.  Of course, Goldyn thinks I'm moving him out this morning for our usual run, but I promise him we'll run when I get back.  I could never imagine myself doing this ever before . . . can I really play a round a golf alone?

But here I am, my golf bag on my back.  I've essentially got the back nine to myself for now.  I have to chuckle, I am doing things I never dreamed of.  If only my Daddio could see me now!  He was such an encourager to me when I first took up golf.  I was so timid and self conscious, I would never have thought that I would be so bold to go and golf myself.  Yet, now it's different.  Mrs. Kim my former morning partner doesn't like to golf in heat, and has joined her sister at a golf course much farther than the one right down the street.  In spite of my inconsistent game, I have this drive within me that somehow pushes me out of my comfort zone and inspires me to do what I never even thought of.   Striking the ball solidly on the very first tee, I walk off into the dewy grass and sleepy sunrise, with a great big smile.  Going on  . . . without misgivings . . . 

Similarly, it seemed a bit odd to be going to a women's retreat with brand new friends at a brand new place.  I am not always one to venture out alone, yet despite all my last minute excuses that I could come up with on why I didn't really have to go, deep within me was this sense to "just do it."  I did have an expectant heart I knew, and perhaps because of that, I was trusting that this experience too would fulfill my need of knowing God more intimately.  I wasn't disappointed.  Yes, I had to go . . .without misgivings . . . 

It was a weird dream or trance that Peter had.  Yes, he was a follower of Jesus and leader of the infant church, but what could this mean to see a sheet full of all the stuff you were never supposed to eat and be told 3 times that everything on there is fine to eat right now?!  It definitely went against his Jewish grain. 
But when the visitors arrived, and told him that he was needed by their Roman friend, he went . . . without misgivings.

The results changed the course of church history, for it confirmed that the gospel of Jesus is for everyone. . . not for Jews alone.  The truth was conveyed to the expectant hearts of Cornelius and his household, and confirmed to Peter who trusted the divine direction of His Savior to go.  He went despite his personal prejudices, not fully understanding, still even quite perplexed . . . but went without misgivings, without those second guesses or hunches that would keep one locked up in fear and doubt.

So as I walk the course, I'm learning to trust my swing.  I am discovering joy in chasing the ball in the early sunshine, and grinding out my shots.  Why I even found two good golf balls left seemingly for me!  Remembering that God has not forsaken me in life so far, I admit I don't understand what He is up to in this present and future passage of my life, but I can go on  . . . without misgivings. . . 

"And while Peter was reflecting on the vision, the Spirit said to him, 'Behold, three men are looking for you.  But arise, go downstairs, and accompany them without misgivings, for I have sent them Myself."  
(Acts 10:19-20)
 

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