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Sunday Rain

I think my days are best lived in the rain.  There is something peaceful and reassuring about watery liquid falling from the sky.  It leaves such a fresh scent and soothes the driest patch of soil.  The sound is calming and seems to bring a thoughtful hush to my mind and heart.  I find myself looking up into the rain, searching for the clouds of gray.  There is no visible break, the clouds surround my world . . . and with them, comes the rain.

I think I have gone through life living under an umbrella.  Perhaps, I have shielded myself from pain and hurt that comes from others' choices.  I have tried to even stretch myself to protect the ones offended.  But the reality is the choice has stood despite my feeble efforts of restraint, calm or help.  I'm viewed enabling and the reason for many failed attempts.  So, it's time to close the umbrella and let the rain just fall . . . 

Sometimes, we hang on to hope especially if we have a selfish motive.  I have realized more and more with life, one has to let go of dreams, desires and "what ifs."  We fool ourselves thinking that life will get much better.  No, I think life becomes more cluttered with pain and crowded with strain.  Trials and tribulations seem to be what we embrace.  So I'm walking slowly in the rain, feeling cold and wet, allowing my heart to hurt again.

Abandoning outcomes, letting go of what I never had control of to begin with, is the path I need to take.  Realizing too that I have failed, I am so far from perfect, and that I will never fully attain all that I should be.  That too, I must let go of.  It's interesting that even in my older years, I realize there are still childhood dreams and wishes I had hoped to fill, and yet I wonder why am I still striving after all of that?  I think I long for reassurance that things will be alright, perhaps that is why this present rain seems to bring a sense of peace. . .   

Peace comes in the practice of solitude with the One who's known as the Prince of Peace.  His life was not a pleasant path, my comfort is knowing that He was rejected as well.  He has allowed the rain to fall, but has chosen to walk with me these days.  Sunday rain has come for me to feel, but to find real Peace . . .

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