Mary's Heartbeats

Steal away my heart . . . Lord, My Jazzy girl is gone. She came  so unexpectedly, so suddenly And brought me so much joy. I sense her presence still around me. I see her shadows near my bed, or on the leather couch.  I see her sleeping soundly on her pillow  in our family room. I hug her empty blankets, breathing in her furry scent,  I almost feel like I am hugging her when I shut my eyes. I knew she was an older dog, But she captured me with so much love, That I thought we'd had finally beat the reality of time.  Steal away my heart  . . . Lord, My Jazzy girl is gone. Why am I so enamored with Your canine creatures? Each one has grabbed and held my heart. Jasmine followed like the others,  Faithful, loyal and true. She held me in my times of fear and darkness, She welcomed my arms around her as I buried myself in her neck. She greeted every day with energy for walks, And joyou...

      You Lord are my Shepherd, the good Keeper of my soul. The only One who always provides my good. You give me peace in Your abundance. In stillness I find rest in You. You alone nourish healing in my inner being.  You point me in the right direction, for You have already walked before me. I don't need to be afraid. Why?  Because I am not alone, You are ever here, ever present, now with me.   You alone are my Protector, El Shaddai , my God Almighty,   And I take comfort in that fact. I find nourishment in Your provision,  Even when I'm surrounded by those who wish me harm. You soothe my inner  wounds and hurts. My transformation from You saturates my soul, And pulses forth from every pore of my being. Certainly, without a doubt, Your goodness and mercy is ever with me, Every moment of my life. Why?  For I am eternally Yours!    

I couldn't see out the kitchen window as a very thick fog filled in the spaces of our backyard. Stepping out into it with Jazzy girl at my side, the fog weighed heavy.  The ground was damp most likely from the foggy mist.  I haven't seen fog like this for such a very long time.  I wondered as I walked if this was what it was like when the children of Israel were surrounded by the Pillar of Cloud by day?  I breathed in the quietness and imagined that indeed God does surround me, His presence ever with me.  I realized that the fog completely hid my familiar environment.  I realized that the lesson in the fog was to trust.  Trust God, knowing that His presence is ever with me, knowing that I don't need to see ahead or have my path all planned out.  He knows those mountains hidden from my sight, He knows potential dangers of approaching cars or wandering coyotes.  I just need to walk on, going forward in trust . . .  Standing and singing...

Everywhere I go, I am caught in the swirl of blue.  Perhaps, it is due to our cool and cloudy days.  Or perhaps it is an aspect of just shorter winter days.  Whatever the cause, I am captivated by the beauty of mountain peaks of blue, frosted white on top with snow.  My early morning walks with Jasmine have been almost "other world" experiences.  I have seen a lazy morning sunrise, rosy pink, spread across the sky at the same time and place that a sliver of a moon is getting ready to rest.  A sunrise and a moonset taking place in the same morning sky!  And yes, all that happens within the blue frame of mountain peaks.  Even twilight bears a tranquil blue, perhaps reflecting back the picture of the mountain calm.  But for now, as I look to the western the sky, the sliver of the night moon with a diamond studded planet right above it, is just smiling down at me.  All is calm, all is bright. . .   The year is being ushered o...

I was surprised to be greeted with a heavy mist, as I slid the patio door shut.  I better go get my raincoat, before Jasmine and I would begin our morning walk.  The sky was gray and cloudy, with still a bit of a chill. But the morning was ours as everything around us fell silent.  As we started out, I noticed that even our front yard tree was shedding yellowish leaves.  There were trees along our usual route that were like brilliant bunches of gold, others were deeply orange and red as rubies.  Walking through the leaves, I noticed that not one of them was identical to the other.  Like snowflakes, each one was distinct in pattern, color and hue.  Like grains of sand, they were much too numerous to begin to count. Wow, how awesome the wonder of trees!   As we walked on, I pondered the process of the changing leaves.  It would seem that each one knew when to turn on their color as they blended in concert with one another, along the ...

I'm out front picking a few lone roses, even though the December air is brisk and cool.  The mountains have been spectacularly white, and our neighborhood trees finally got the message to change the color of their leaves to hews of deep gold and crimson.  Somehow, the fresh roses don't match the season, but that's the paradoxical reality of living in Southern California. Yesterday, it took more effort as I pedalled uphill to the end of the road, resting along the fence of the horse ranch to just take in the quiet scene before me.  The city-scapes fill in the floor of the valley, but beautiful snow caps enhance the surrounding borders like a lacy ruffle or collar.  Everywhere I look, I am captivated with God's goodness displayed so boldly in His creation. And I am picking roses in December.  Perhaps that is why I'm not quite eager to get out the Christmas decorations, as they don't yet feel quite pertinent to what's happening in my yard. My vegetables...

It's just me and Jasmine up this early, brisk Thanksgiving Day.  It would have been easier to stay curled up in a warm bed, than to get out this morning.  But here we are, in our usual morning spots.  Me on my couch with my books and journal, warm coffee close by and Jasmine laid out on her UCLA blanket covered pillow.  A heavy rain has saturated the backyard, and most likely our mountains will be splendid with snow.  Soon I will start the turkey and the house will fill with inviting smells and sounds of family "hanging out."   And here I am, day #365 as a cancer survivor!  It has been exactly one year since my life took an unexpected turn.  I am filled with overflowing joy and tears that seem to cascade out of me whenever I ponder this fact.  In a paradoxical way, it has been one of my best years ever, if not THE best.  I have completely enjoyed my NP days, returning to work and relishing the long term relationships I have ha...