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Humility, Tears and Trials


Sweat seems to appear with even the slightest exertion.  California is no longer the place for dry heat.  This summer with the monsoon weather backing up to the mountains, has brought a Midwest humidity.  The kind of humidity that requires at least 2 showers a day to get a bit of comfort.  Yes, times have definitely changed since I first came to live here 40 some years ago.   Just another reminder, that time moves on,  with all of the changes it brings.  New homes and shopping centers are built in former quarry pits, dry fields, and old golf courses.  I feel myself mimicking my Father's words when we would drive through his old hometown, and he'd remark on "the baseball field that used to be there before that new building."  Time never stops, just like our earth never stops its spinning. . . 

I think the Apostle Paul felt that kind of sentimental yearning, especially when he had to bid farewell to his dear friends from the city of Ephesus.  It was a tearful departure, as he reminded them that since the very beginning of when he had been with them, he "served the Lord with all humility and with tears and with trials. . ." (Acts 20: 19).   That phrase speaks volumes.  I have pondered it for several days, as I have reflected on this "space in between" my challenge of taking on a new work environment.  I have summarized my thoughts in eight statements that described what I have gleaned about myself during this time.  Yes, I'm never finished learning about who I really am and who I could be. . . 


First of all, I am truly grateful for the past, for being part of a practice that allowed me to grow as a Nurse Practitioner.  But though I will miss my relationships with patients and staff, I am moving forward and not hanging on to the past.  I will not return.  Another secret to life, is that I must "spin gold out of the straw that happens to me." (Frederick Buechner, A Crazy Holy Grace).  And I need to demonstrate "courageous, confusing, compassion" as evidenced to the life of Rufus Smith, Pastor of Hope Church Memphis.  He has stated that the "hesed" of God is His loving-kindness, "intentional hospitality toward someone with whom I agree or don't agree, know or don't know, like or don't like." Perhaps that is why I have appreciated these weeks to be with family and friends again.  I realize the joy that conversation and laughter brings to me.  Even if we don't see eye to eye on topics, our love for one another and being with one another supersedes those differences. 

Moving on to the fifth statement in my list, I need to ask God the Father to do what I cannot do, to make His name holy throughout the earth, just as stated in His model of prayer for us.  That was the purpose of this earth in the beginning, that it would be God's sanctuary, His own place of rest and communion with those who loved Him.  He hasn't given up, even though we have ravaged His world. That means simply that God's will (kingdom) is the place where He wants done come to pass, (Dallas Willard).  For me it is to love God with all my heart and soul, and my neighbor as myself, and leave the outcomes to Him.  If He ever wants me to travel "to Egypt, He'll provide the 11 jealous brothers that sell me into slavery," (Rich Mullins, "Egyptian Principle.")


And finally, that reminds me that serving with humility, tears and trials is the Jesus Way, the Way of the cross.  It allows me to be that broken pottery that pours out His great, great love.  In the midst of what is here today or may be faced tomorrow, His final words to me are, "Take courage, Mary, the Lord is by your side."  (Acts 23:11). 

Yes, I could be on last days of my career, my life.  I could be facing disaster.  But those fears are minute in size, when I realize the many open doors that have been before me these past several months. I don't believe I have arrived here at this place or this practice by accident.  I have marveled with each conversation, with each encounter, that truly have been God's providence to me.  I heard that reinforced today with Pastor Noel Anderson's message.  God has shown me His surpassing riches of His grace in kindness to me.  I am His workmanship for good works which He has already prepared ahead of time for me.  God wants me to walk into His good works, He's just waiting for me to walk into them with humility and with tears, and yes, even trials . . .


                        
"For we are His workmanship,

  created in Christ Jesus for good works 

which God prepared beforehand

 that we should walk in them."

Ephesians 2:10



 

 

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