Mary's Heartbeats

I went through all of last year with the phrase in my head as "57+."  I defined my life to a number and a symbol.  Perhaps that was my pause, "what now?"  I often wondered, "what does life look like for me ahead?"  I could absolutely not see a thing, but my continual "daily-ness."  I attended a conference for developing resilience while working in the health fields, and the first exercise was to draw a picture of your present life.  I was stumped for several minutes, as nothing came to mind.  All I could think of was "57+" and that wouldn't take up too much space on the white blank in front of me.  So I began to push the purple crayon starting "in the air," drawing leaves, then eventually a branch and tree.  Yes, I felt like I was out on a limb, so unsure of what next may follow.  With the comments of those at my table, I heard that my sidelined tree not only showed stability, but did have the hope of new things ahead, w...

A rose is a rose is a rose. . . but not . . .especially by today's standards.  We are living in a time when individuals are more free to embrace who they are even if it doesn't match their skin color, their birth place, their gender, or their culture.  In that process, one always comes face to face with their own prejudices and duplicity.  I find myself unfortunately, tending to be judgmental of the one that doesn't fit in the box, and must remind myself always, "I could be wrong, I just don't know." A prime example of this was in the news this week, that a leader for the NAACP wasn't really Black.  My first response was that this was a mark of a leader being not genuine and dishonest with the very organization she was working for.  Yet, with better observation and discussion, I discovered that being Black has never been a criteria for leadership in the NAACP, and furthermore it is not required to disclose your race or ethnic group.  Individuals ar...

I started blogging at the time of my golf hero's descent.  It was 2009 and my first post was about my sadness over his infidelity.  Tiger Woods was the greatest golfer to hit the greens, and I had been privileged to even watch him twice at Torrey Pines.  He had been my inspiration to get out there and learn the awkward sport.  I had certainly put him on a sky high pedestal.  But within a couple of days, the tragedy took its toll and he has never been quite the same, at least not on the golf course.   His body is one that time has ravaged with injuries and wounds.  He seems to be facing the sport he revolutionized as the "has been."  Saturday was one of those days that he showed his Achilles heel.  Every golfer knows how difficult it is to get out of your head the negativity when your game goes bad.  Each hole seems to reinforce the painful fact, no matter how much sweat and effort you put into your swing and putt.  There is al...

Here we are in the last few hours of the year 2014.  I have not blogged for months, often citing my own fatigue and fear.  Who really wants to read what I have to say?  What do I really have to say anyway? And yet in the absence I have realized an inner healing of my heart and mind.  There are reasons for pauses in life, when hope can only be found in solitude and silence, when pen and keyboard need to be put aside.  But now I am ready to move ahead, even in spite of my own self doubt. . . These winter days are especially challenging to get through, as they leave hardly any daylight hours to accomplish much.  In fact, my home seems to be like the land of the midnight sun in Alaska.  Even in spite of all of our windows, darkness and shadows rush throughout all of our rooms.  It's hard to get up, it seems to take so much longer to complete tasks because night is just around the corner.  Even Goldyn is ready to come inside by late afternoon ...